I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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