i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he shaved USA in his pubs
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
