youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
