Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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