he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
