In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
