Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
