i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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