Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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