member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize