Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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