What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize