You can't motorboat a personality
i love accidental penises.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
