i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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