Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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