I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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