youre lurking in front of me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
