I heard we made out
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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