I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
