Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
