Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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