Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
