Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
