Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
