the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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