worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
