haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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