I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
