I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
