i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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