I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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