making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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