i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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