Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pooping to opera.
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