I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
