God, you're like boner-b-gone
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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