actually, I'm a sock model
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i now understand why vodka
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
