He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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