Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
