Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
