Soap is not a condiment
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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