i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
