Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
