No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
