dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
