i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
