Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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