Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
