no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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