Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
