During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
