apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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