There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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