You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
