You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
