so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
