Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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