Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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