Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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