I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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