If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
