She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
