He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
