No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
