Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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