Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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