I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
