he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
