we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize