Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
