I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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