so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
