I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
