I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
