So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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