oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
