you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
