time to smoke my breakfast
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
