I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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