You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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