New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize